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The Inquisitor is proud to present a special Thanksgiving issue this week. During this time of the year when we traditionally give thanks for all those things we have to be thankful for, we think it's only appropriate to give thanks to the one man who has made so many of these thankful things possible: President George W. Bush. In just three short years, President Bush has given Americans many reasons to forget those dark eight years we here at the Inquisitor like to refer to as the "Bubba Years." Among the thankful things we are thankful for here at the Inquisitor are the following:
300,000 NEW JOBS"Thanks to President Bush's policies, 300,000 unemployed Americans can be thankful that they are once again employed. That means that of the 3,000,000 people who have lost their jobs in the last three years, a full 10% of them have found their way back into the ranks of the employed. At this rate, almost 50% of those people who lost their jobs since 2000 will be employed again at the end of Bush's second term. Truly outstanding. Hail to the Chief!"
A SAFER MIDDLE EAST"The President has struck hard at the country most responsible for the 9/11 attacks and the hording of a large portion of the world's supply of oil. Nineteen of the twenty hijackers of the planes that attacked the WTCs were of either Saudi or Iraqi descent. Let's all give thanks for the fact that fewer Americans are dying each day in Iraq and that Saddam Hussein no longer has control of those weapons of mass destruction we will one day discover."
AN ENVIRONMENT THAT MAKES MONEY"Let's not forget to give thanks for President Bush's attacks on the liberal regulations that have hampered the full exploitation of the environment for the sake of business enterprise. The Clean Air Act and the Clean Water Act are now faint memories of a liberal past, and business profits are helping the stock market recover some of the 25% decline in value it has suffered since the President assumed office, and so far, Americans haven't noticed that the air they're breathing and the water they're drinking are contaminated. Thanks be to Bush."
JUDGES WHO CARE ABOUT LIFE AND MORALS"Everyone should give thanks for President Bush's appointments of judges who don't let things like laws or precedent dictate their decisions. Judge Roy Moore and his Ten Commandments monument may be gone, but plenty of others have been appointed in his place to insure that the country's evangelical traditions are carried out to the extreme. The Bush appointees appreciate the fine distinctions between putting to death dangerous felons while protecting unborn and often deformed fetuses whose miserable lives would be unjustly terminated by parents under such excuses as 'protecting the health of the mother.' Thank you President Bush for bringing religion, morals, God and religion back into the courts."
ELECTION REFORM"I used to tell my grandson Ricky that in the old days, the person with the most votes won. But because of that, we lost out on having leaders like Barry Goldwater. I'm thankful that's all changed now. Al Gore may have got more votes than President Bush but look who had more friends on the Supreme Court! Plus, here in California, 48% of the voters wanted to keep Gray Davis and 36% wanted Arnold Schwarzenegger and look who our governor is! Martha Crenshaw at the church says that the Republicans may just do away with elections altogether. I don't know, but it sounds about right to me. Anyhoo, happy thanksgiving!"
THE EXPIRATION OF THE ASSAULT WEAPON BAN"Thanks to President Bush for not pushing for an extensin of the ban on assault weapons. Once that ban expires, expect to see AK-47s and Uzis at every gun show across the country. Every sportsman needs weapons like that in their arsenal. And remember what I always tell the members of the Kern County Gun Club: 'Guns Don't Kill People, People With Guns Do."
THE BUSH AND DICK ENERGY POLICIES"Newfangled concepts like 'renewable energy' are once again taking a backseat to tried and true energy sources like coal and oil and gas exploration. Major thanks to the man I know as Dick - that's Vice President Cheney to you. Congratulations to Dick too, for successfully keeping secret the names of the people that helped form our country's energy policies. It's really nobody's business, and who really cares if Ken Lay wanted a few freebies for Enron or if Helliburton got a few no bid contracts handed to them on a silver platter? That's just how the game of politics is played. Now, if we can only drill in Alaska.... Oh well, we can always hope, right?"
FEWER TAXES ON THE WEALTHY"It's high time someone stood up for the rich and powerful in this country and President Bush has been that man. It's time the poor and middle class paid their fair share of tax instead of thinking the wealthy are going to give up their yachts and Hummers just so some poor slob can eat or have a place to live. After all, this is America - not Russia." |
Arlin Tompkins wishes to give thanks for: 
Hurd Hobson wishes to give thanks for: 
Vince Bellingham wishes to give thanks for: 
Reverend Arendale Clancy Flabel wishes to give thanks for: 
Mabel Perry wishes to give thanks for: 
Homer Wilson wishes to give thanks for: 
Earl Barron wishes to give thanks for: 
Fred Bockhauser wishes to give thanks for: