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GOP Elects Two Southern GovernorsMeanwhile, study confirms alarming news that southerners are indeed becoming less intelligent by the day
Tuesday saw the election of two new Republican governors, giving the GOP control of 29 of the nation's 50 state houses. In Kentucky, Rep. Ernie Fletcher defeated Att. Gen. Ben Chandler by a 10 point margin to become the state's first Republican governor in 32 years. In Mississippi, Haley Barbour, a prominent GOP lobbyist, defeated incumbent Ronnie Musgrove by an 8 point margin. The gains were a blow to Democrats, who have hopes to make inroads into the South in 2004 presidential election against George W. Bush. Bush won all of the Southern states in 2000. Following Tuesday's election, the Center for Democratic Growth and Prosperity, a liberal think tank, released a study confirming an alarming trend spreading through the southern states. According to the Center's report, the residents of the southern states are becoming less intelligent by the day. "What we have done," said Robert Elefante, who headed the study, "is to take a group of representative southerners and monitor their intelligence on a regular basis with writing tests, interviews about current events, and multiple choice surveys. About 9 out of every 10 of our participants knew less and less each time we came back to them." Elefante was asked how the recent trend of southern dumbness could affect the political landscape. "There's always been a direct relationship between intelligence and political inclination," explained Elefante. "For example, in another we did, we found that roughly 77% of all imbeciles vote Republican, close to 88% of all morons are right-wingers, and practically all idiots go Republican. This doesn't bode well for the Democrats next year." Asked if there is anything that could be done to reverse the trend, Elefante offered a couple of suggestions.
Whether there is any hope for the Democrats in 2004 in the South remains to be seen, but Elefante was not hopeful. "I'd seriously concentrate on states where there is a chance for improvement, like Ohio and New Mexico and Oregon. The South is pretty hopeless." |
"The next Democrat in the White House needs to launch a very serious 'no inbreeding' program in the south. The results we've seen are largely the result of intra-family marriages. Second, and this is going to sound odd," said Elefante, "I'd emblazen the confederate flag somewhere right on the Democratic Party logo, since we've found that an alarming number of southerners don't realize the Civil War has ended."