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Bold Attempt on Bush's Life FailsArch enemy Saddam Hussein is suspected to be behind the attack
The Segway Transporter was developed by Dean Kamen. It is advertised as "intuitive" and "fool proof." The company's marketing campaign features one commercial with a baboon riding the Segway safely down the street while waving at passers by while another spot features a village idiot gamely navigating the scooter through an obstacle course. The ads, President Bush learned, are not all they're cracked up to be, and the Segway is certainly not "fool" proof. Seconds after boarding the Segway, President Bush lost his balance, falling off the terror trap and nearly crashing into a row of shrubs. Secret service agents rushed to the President's aid but not before a local photographer snapped off a few pictures capturing the event. The Segway was taken into custody by the Secret Service and will be examined by the CIA at Langley. The theory buzzing through Washington is that President Bush's Segway was tampered with, possibly by his worst enemy, Saddam Hussein. "The President says that he heard someone nearby as he was falling from the scooter," said White House spokesman Ari Fleischer adding that the "CIA is now studying the photos taken by the photographer to determine if that person could have been Saddam Hussein." The FBI would neither deny nor confirm reports that Hussein had slipped into the country unnoticed. Right now, the deadly Segway is at the center of the investigation. FBI spokesman Don McCarthy made a brief statement confirming the suspicion that the Segway had been booby-trapped by the former Iraqi leader. "Either that, or the President is one bumbling fool," said McCarthy. "We're having it dusted for fingerprints and DNA," said Fleischer. "If this was the work of Saddam Hussein... well, let's just say, it would really suck to be him. We can only imagine what would have happened if the President had fallen into that hedge."
"The President's recovery is progressing," said Fleischer. "He was just a little stunned after almost falling into a very dangerous shrub, but we expect him to be back on his feet in no time." |
In a story that has shocked the British press but has been wildly
ignored in the United States, our sources have learned that an
attempt was made on President George W. Bush's life, and the
would-be assassin was likely none other than Saddam Hussein himself.While vacationing in Kennebunkport, Maine, last week, President
Bush happened upon a device known as a "Segway Transporter."
The details of how the President came to stumble upon the deadly
contraption were not available. What would become clear within
the next few minutes, however, was that the President would
battle for his very life with the rolling death trap.
According to the British press, the Segway assault on
President Bush is actually the second attempt on his life
during his first term in office. In 2001, the Secret Service
rescued the President after an unknown assailant, thought to
have possibly been Osama Bin Laden or maybe "Chemical Ali,"
broke into the White House family room while the President was
watching a football game and tried to choke him with a pretzel.