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Bush's Trust In "God" ExplainedThe President's faith is in more than ethereal, as our inside report reveals
As all who are familiar with the Bush administration realize, the President's closest political advisor is Karl Rove. The fleshy faced Rove is well known in Republican circles as a master tactician and is widely credited with Bush's progression from AWOL National Guard pilot to failed businessman to insider trading profiteer to governor of Texas and finally to the presidency.
The President often cites his conversion to Christianity as a turning point in his life, one that allowed him to leave behind a past that included drug abuse and prostitution. However, those closest to him say his real faith is not in the spiritual God as it is in Karl "God" Rove. "Sure, he prays every day," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "but when he needs real practical advice, he can't just stare up into the sky and wait for a voice to shout back the answer. He needs a real person to tell him what to do and that person is usually 'God' -- you know, Karl." The President has long been a believer in miracles and is always careful to give credit where credit is due. "I just want to thank God," said the President, "for giving me a victory over Al Gore and the chance to act like the President. What I mean is act as the President. If not for 'God,' I'd probably still own the Texas Rangers. How ugly would that be? They're in last place again." Critics are being silenced one by one as they learn that the "God" that the President relies upon is not some creature of fiction, but an actual person. The revelation, however, has brough forth new criticisms over the President's trusting decisions of national importance to an unelected official. "Karl Rove is God?" said Democratic strategist James Carville, "what kind of crap is that? Karl Rove decided we should have a tax cut? Karl Rove decided we should invade Iraq? Karl Rove is running the country? We should impeach Bush. And while we're at it, we should impeach 'God' too, if that's possible." |
President Bush has been the target of criticism for his reliance
on God in matter concerning the security of our nation. However,
the Inquisitor has recently learned that the President's trust
may not be as misplaced as some of his critics believe.
What is not as well known about Rove is that he is known
throughout the White House inner circle by his nickname: "God".
In fact, Rove's nickname has virtually replaced all uses of his
first or last names, and practically everyone from the President
on down to the Commerce Secretary simply refers to him as "God."