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Were The Iraqi Nukes Looted?New Theory Unfolds That Nukes Were Taken In Chaotic Looting Rampage On Sunday, the Washington Post reported that sites housing large amounts of highly radioactive material appeared to have been looted and that it was impossible to say whether nuclear materials were missing.
Closer inspections of the looters do indeed indicate that the nuclear weapons of mass destruction were taken from Iraq by post-war looters. Using the Inquisitor's patented "image magnification" processes, we were able to identify at least one looter carrying away what appears to be nuclear material. Some critics of the Iraqi War point to the nuke looting as proof that the U.S. blundered by toppling Saddam Hussein. "No doubt, he was an evil dictator," said former Vermont governor and Democratic presidential candidate Howard Dean, "but it looks like he was the only thing standing between chaos and order. The U.S. military has certainly not been able to control the looting." Others, however, point to the looting as evidence that Iraq had weapons of mass destruction, as President Bush claimed all along, although the weapons were hidden in an unlikely place. "I think it's clear now that the weapons of mass destruction were hidden in the museums with the antiquities," said Chief IAEA Weapons Inspector Hans Blix. "No one thought to look there. We were all lifting up golden toilet seats and looking for underground tunnels." The irony, said Blix, was that "had the U.S. secured the
museums - which they should have done anyway to preserve the
As for the present location of the weapons that were looted, the government admits there are few clues. "Most of those people look alike," said Defense Secretary Donald Rumsfeld, "so finding the looters isn't going to be easy. The weapons could be in Syria. But, they could also be in Kuwait, Saudi Arabia, Lebanon, or Iran, or any number of other countries." The Defense Department's concession that scores of countries - many of them hostile to the U.S. - may now be in possession of nuclear precursors put President Bush on the defensive. "We said all along that we were right and Blix was wrong. The important thing was that we were right. Saddam did have nukes," said President Bush from his Crawford ranch. "And now, even though it looks like we may have inadvertently armed all of America's enemies, the world is a better place without Saddam. He tried to kill my dad, you know." The Department of Homeland Security was weighing the decision to raise the terror alert rating from "orange" to "burnt orange." |
"We warned them this could happen,"
said International Atomic Energy Agency Chief
Mohamed ElBaradei. "We were assured that Iraq's nuclear
sites would be secured after the government fell. Clearly, something
has gone wrong."
ancient artificats - they would have had their weapons of mass
destruction. Instead, they were worried about putting razor wire around
all the oil wells."