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Cheney To Be Replaced With Jesus on TicketPresident names messiah as running mate in a controversial move some see as targeted at Christian right
Speaking at a press conference at the White House, President Bush answered questions about his unusual choice of a running mate for reporters. "Dick's been a great number two guy, but when the press are trying to nail you to a cross, you need someone who's actually been there and done that," said Bush, in defense of his running mate. When asked about how the new vice presidential candidate would feel about the Iraq War, Bush perked up. "Some people make a big deal about us losing so many soldiers over there," said the President, "but I don't see it that way, and I don't think Vice President Christ will either. You see, he already died and came back, so what's all the fuss about?" Some critics think the President has gone too far in choosing to fill the ticket with a figure that most likely will not ever appear in person in front of the American public. "I think somebody in Washington needs to get the President back on his medication," said Air America talk show host Al Franken. "What if something happened to Bush? Someone that most of us can't see, hear, touch or feel becomes President?" White House spokesman Scott McClellan attempted to address Franken's concerns. "If Jesus had to actually govern the country, I'm sure the logistics could be worked out," said McClellan adding "there are plenty people in our party who know exactly how Jesus would act and what kind of laws he would pass."
"The President doesn't see that as a problem," said McClellan. "If there was a tie vote in the Senate, one of the Senators who regularly talks with Jesus -- possibly Senator Rick Santorum of Pennsylvania -- could pray to Jesus and divine how Jesus wants to vote." So far, the American public is split on how they feel about Jesus running for Vice President. In a USA Today poll on Friday, 51% said they preferred Vice President Cheney as a running mate for Bush while 46% said they thought Jesus was an improvement over the current Vice President. The poll had a 3% margin of error. |
In a surprise move announced by the White House on Thursday, Dick Cheney will not be part of the November presidential ticket. His replacement: none other than the Lord Jesus Christ himself.
Another troubling issue concerns the Senate, where the Vice President has the tie-breaking vote in cases where the chamber is deadlocked. Some foresee the potential for a Constitutional crisis if there's not a physical person sitting as President Pro Tem.