Bush Extends Olive Branch to Hollywood Liberals

The administration admits to using movie gimmicks in its publicity campaigns

President Bush entered the White House telling people he was a "uniter." After a rocky 2-1/2 years, the President is trying to bring peace between two historic enemies who have taunted and jabbed at each other for decades. Of course, we're talking about the Republican Party and the Hollywood establishment.

The reconciliation began with plans for the Iraq War. Sensing that he really needed to favorably impress the public with war updates, the President commissioned the building of a $200,000 set for use by General Tommy Franks in Qatar. The builders of the set? None other than George Lucas himself.

"The President has always been a big Star Wars fan," said Lucas, "and he wanted something flashy, that the public would want to tune in and see every morning."

"We could have had General Franks give his update from a military base," explained Bush handler Karl Rove, "but using Hollywood helped us both bridge a gap and lay groundwork for a new relationship with those people and have a fantastic looking set."

In fact, Rove explained that they were so impressed with the Qatar set that was used by General Franks that the administration contracted with Hollywood interests on two other projects: the Jessica Lynch "rescue" and the landing on the aircraft carrier at sea.

"The landing at sea actually took place on a Universal backlot," explained the director of the project, who asked not to be identified. "The aircraft carrier was designed to look like the Abraham Lincoln, but it was only about six inches long. The President was outfitted in gear left over from the 'Top Gun' film and we hired a slew of extras to play sailors. It was quite elaborate."

About the Jessica Lynch rescue, our source told us "it [the Jessica Lynch rescue] was actually based on footage from the last James Bond film and from the film 'G.I. Jane.' In fact, if you look closely at some of the night vision scenes, you might notice Halle Berry in a couple of the shots or Demi Moore being passed off as Jessica escaping through the river."

It is rumored, though unconfirmed, that Hollywood illusionists may have also been involved with the toppling of the Saddam Hussein statue. Photographic evidence tends to indicate that the event actually occurred on Paramount's Pasadena lot, with much of the cast from "The Mummy Returns" serving as liberated Iraqis.

"We're looking forward to working with the Hollywood folks again soon," added Rove. "We have this whole re-election thing to deal with next year, and I'm sure we'll need some sort of distraction to wag the dog, as they say."

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