Will Gray Davis Be Terminated?

The California governor faces a challenge from a familiar face

California's Democratic Governor Gray Davis has won election twice to the state's highest office, but he's the victim of a vicious recall effort being led by one of his rivals.

State Congressman Darrell Issa (R) is a leading proponent of a "Recall Davis" movement, that has as its goal forcing the Governor to run a third time for the office he presently holds. His likely opponent in a recall election would appear to be actor Arnold Schwarzenneger.

Governor Davis has played down the recall efforts, even boasting that he would "whip the pants off" of any challenger the Republicans could promote.

"I guess he hasn't seen the Terminator movies," said Issa, "Arnold's fearless."

Schwarzenneger, a longtime supporter of conservative causes when not making ultra-violent movies, has likewise downplayed the chances of an encounter with Davis.

"All I want to do is promote 'Terminator 3'," said the actor through an interpreter.

Schwarzenneger speaks some English but not as much as you might think if you've seen his films.

"He practices his lines for months," said dialect and speech coach Myra Hatchett. "His real language is German or Dutch or Belgian or something odd. You should have heard him saying 'I'll be back' when he first started practicing. It came out something like 'Owl bay bock' but with weeks of work, he was finally able to produce recognizable English sounds."

Davis's advisors say the Governor would welcome the opportunity to debate the linguistically-challenged actor.

"The governor's an educated man," said Bernie Watts, a long-time Davis campaign advisor, "he knows three and four syllable words. I think the only four syllable words Arnold knows are Schwarzenneger and Terminator."

Still, the Davis campaign has to be careful not to prey on Schwarzenneger speech deficiencies too much, for fear of alienating handicapped voters.

"We don't want to upset anyone," said Watts. "I think it's clear, though, that most of Arnold's problems come from all the steroid use and not from birth defects, which distinguishes him from the average handicapped voter.

Schwarzenneger's advisors strongly denied that their potential candidate had ever used illegal body building substances, but Watts remained unconvinced, adding "I haven't seen a forehead like that since the last time I visited the monkey cages at the zoo."

Whether the "Recall Davis" campaign will result in the termination of Davis's governorship remains to be seen. Until then, the only place Schwarzenneger will be seen is on screen at the multiplex in the latest Terminator film.

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