Chongs Bongs Nets Him Nine Months In Jail

Ashcroft hails arrest as a "major step forward in the war on terrorism"

Tommy Chong, best known as one-half of the famous Cheech & Chong comedy team, has been sentenced to nine months in jail after being found guilty of selling drug paraphernalia through his web site. The arrest is being touted by Attorney General John Ashcroft as a "major step forward in the war on terrorism."

Chong was selling custom-designed glass bongs through an internet site. A "bong" is a pipe used primarily for smoking marijuana and hashish. The ones designed by Chong were elaborately designed, bore the signature and image of the comic and sold for upwards of $100.

The Justice Department began its investigation last February when Chong went on line with his merchandise. After ordering and testing several of the bongs, Justice Department attorneys decided they were indeed authentic dope smoking devices and prosecutors began drawing up Chong's indictment.

"Operation Pipe Dreams" was executed, Chongs bongs were seized and carted off to Attorney General Ashcroft's office, and Chong himself was taken into custody.

The Justice Department sees the arrest as a major development in the war on terrorism.

"You might remember those commercials we ran about how people that buy drugs are actually supporting terrorism?" explained Justice Department spokesman Milton Atwell. "We have reason to believe Mr. Chong was a major supporter of terrorism because that guy smoked one hell of a lot of dope."

Chong's attorney, Elden Marino, thinks the Justice Department is exaggerating the significance of his client's conviction because they have been unable to make any real headway in the war on terrorism.

"He sells a few bongs and all of a sudden he's Osama bin Laden," said Marino. "What are they going to do next? Start arresting every 16 year old pot smoker?"

Apparently, that's exactly what they plan to do, according to Atwell.

"We think if we can arrest every kid that's ever smoked pot and send him to jail for nine months, we'll make an impression on them that they won't forget," said Atwell. "Soon enough, they'll understand that there's very little difference between smoking a joint and blowing up a building."

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