Bush Visits New California Governor

Secret Service, however, struggles to guard Bush twins from groping governor

President Bush visited newly elected Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger this week, calling the new governor a "great leader." The two men had a brief meeting where they confirmed their mutual admiration for each other and their adherence to conservative fiscal policies.

An inside White House source reports that the meeting, while congenial, was not without its tensions, as Governor Schwarzenegger was seen openly oggling the Bush twins, who had made the trip to meet the famous movie star.

"Instead of offering to shake hands with Jenna, we noticed Arnold giving her a hug that lasted a little too long for comfort," said the source. "After Barbara got the same treatment, we alerted Karl Rove who instructed the Secret Service to closely guard the Bush twins."

The new California has a long history of groping women, having faced public charges of making unwanted sexual advances to 16 women during the recently concluded campaign. His reputation is so widespread, in fact, that his campaign's unofficial slogan was "Win One For The Groper."

The presence of Secret Service agents surrounding the Bush twins proved to be only a small nuisance for Schwarzenegger, who winked at the girls and offered to show Jenna his "muscles." The President encouraged his daughters to take advantage of the opportunity to see a real bodybuilder up close, separating them from their Secret Service escorts.

As Schwarzenegger and the Bush twins disappeared into a nearby office, the President took the opportunity to speak to the public, commenting on how wisely the people of California had acted in choosing their new governor.

"He's going to be a great leader of a great state," said the President, "and I'm sure his plan for California -- as soon as he gets around to revealing it -- will be just the thing to turn things around here."

The President went out of his way to downplay the rumors of sexual misconduct that surfaced during the recent campaign.

"I've known Arnold for all of about an hour now, and I'll say this," continued the President, "he's a fun guy, a little like I was in my youth, and, like with me, people say a lot of things about fun guys, most of which aren't true."

As the President concluded his remarks to the crowd, Governor Schwarzenegger reappeared with an arm around each of the Bush twins and posed for pictures with the girls before shaking hands with the President and thanking him for his visit.

Return to the Main Page