Arnold Comes Out Against "Everything Bad"

The candidate finally makes his most important views known to voters

The most intriguing candidate in the California recall election is also the most mysterious. Arnold Schwarzenegger, well known to voters from his action movie roles, has given away very little concerning the role he's auditioning for now, that of California governor.

Voters anxious to learn more about the Austrian bodybuilder's political views will find contradictions at every turn. For example, Schwarzenegger claims to be a Republican but his views on social issues are far to the left of the Bush administration and key Republican leaders.

Schwarzenegger favors 2nd amendment rights but favors current gun control laws. He favors funding education but has called for "across the board" cuts. He's against tax increases but his key economic advisor, billionaire Warren Buffet, has suggested the Proposition 13, which protects property owners from large tax increases, is past its prime.

Despite the large number of contradictions and inconsistencies, we do know that Schwarzenegger has pledged to "terminate" the budget deficit in California. How he proposes to accomplish the "termination," though, hasn't been made clear.

Unlike the other gubernatorial candidates, Schwarzenegger has declined to participate in all of the scheduled debates except one. The one debate he has agreed to participate in has promised to give the candidates the questions a week ahead of time. The Inquisitor has has learned that the Schwarzenegger campaign asked that, in addition to the questions, that their candidate also be provided with the answer, a request that was denied.

With the candidate unwilling to answer questions directly in the debates, the Inquisitor contacted the Schwarzenegger campaign to learn more about their candidate's position on the issues most concerning Californians. In response to questions concerning the economy, illegal immigrants, health care, coastal protection, the environment, and taxes, the Schwarzenegger campaign reported the following:

• Generally, their candidate is against "everything bad" and is in favor of "children, families, puppies and things that are for the good of the people."
• He is favor of a "total recall" of Governor Gray Davis
• He favors Met-RX to other body supplements
• He believes Jean-Claude Van Damme is overrated as an action star
• He thinks Lieutenant Governor Cruz Bustamante is "Gray Davis with a receding hairline and a moustache"
• He thinks rival actor, Gary Coleman, is "a short, black version of Gray Davis"
• He thinks billboard star Angelyne is "Gray Davis with big jugs"
• He has "no opinion on Tom Ueberroth or Peter McClintock," his Republican rivals
• He prefers "true-false" questions to those requiring "long answers"

The future may or not hold a place in Sacramento for Arnold Schwarzenegger following this recall election. Not all Californians are enthusiastic about his campaign, as he learned when he was pelted by an egg-throwing attendee at a recent campaign stop. Nevertheless, his campaign has promised that Schwarzenegger has pledged to "be back" even if he loses in the recall election, hinting that he could be a candidate in the 2006 general election..

Next week, the Inquisitor will focus on the upstart populist porn campaign of adult film star, Mary Carey.

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